In the Quran, kindness to parents comes right after worshipping Allah.
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents." (meaning of the verse, Al-Isra 17:23)
Not even "fi"
The same verse goes into detail: when one or both of them reach old age in your care, do not say "fi!" to them, do not scold them, and speak to them with respectful words. Then:
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
"And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: My Lord, have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small." (meaning of the verse, Al-Isra 17:24)
This supplication can be said every day, at the end of the prayer or at any time.
No grand speech needed: a tone, a word, a sigh already counts.
The mother, three times
The Quran reminds us that the mother carried her child "in weakness upon weakness", and that one must be grateful to Allah and to one's parents (Luqman 31:14). A man asked the Prophet ﷺ who deserved his good companionship most; he replied: "Your mother", then "your mother", then "your mother", then "your father" (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 5971; Sahih Muslim, no. 2548).
One of the greatest sins
The Prophet ﷺ mentioned, among the greatest sins, associating partners with Allah and disobedience to one's parents (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 5976). And he said: "May he be humiliated, the one whose parents, or one of them, reached old age in his care and he did not enter Paradise" (Sahih Muslim, no. 2551). Caring for elderly parents is a door to Paradise opened before you.
In daily life
- Call, visit, even briefly, especially when you live far away.
- Help with expenses when they are in need, according to your means.
- Consult your parents, and speak to them gently, even when you disagree.
- Pray for them, both in their lifetime and after their death.
- Obey them in what is good. If parents ask for what Allah forbids, you do not follow them on that point, but you remain kind to them, as the Quran says (Luqman 31:15).
After their death
Kindness does not stop with death. "When a person dies, his deeds come to an end, except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him" (Sahih Muslim, no. 1631). Making du'a for your parents, giving charity on their behalf, honoring their friends and maintaining ties with their family continue their good.
A question about a delicate family situation? Speak with your imam.